 |
NOT NEWS | ||||
Details
|
Spring is in the Air OR Delusional
A walks into the room. B is there writing at a table.
A Smell that?
B What?
A Spring is in the air.
B Well, hold on, and next time I go to the market I’ll get some disinfectant.
A What are you talking about?
B What are you talking about?
A I’m talking about the seasons.
B I thought the seasons ended a long time ago.
A What?
B I thought seasons became extinct. I thought it’s now just perpetual twilight.
A Are you crazy? Have you been outside recently?
B Yes, scrounging for food, remember?
A Right, the pickled hern. I’m the one that doesn’t go out anymore.
B (expecting A to finish this sentence) Because…
A Because I’m delusional.
B Exactly. See, the more I practice the better you get. Soon, it will always be the first thing you say.
A (sad) But I don’t want to admit to everyone that I’m delusional. (short pause) At least, not right off the bat.
B What everyone? It’s just me now.
A Right. Sorry. I’m delusional, you see.
B (smiling) You didn’t even need my prompting that time.
A Oh. Sorry, next time I’ll wait for you to prompt me. You see, I’m delusional.
B No, no. It’s good that I don’t have to prompt you.
A Really? Oh, well you’ll have to forgive me. I’m delusional.
B Uh-huh.
Pause.
A I’m delusional, you know.
B See? Perfect.
A What’s perfect?
B Saying you’re delusional just like that.
Pause.
A I’m sorry, I don’t understand. I’m delusional.
B Yeah, I know.
A Really? Sorry for telling you again, you see, I’m delusional.
B Right.
Pause.
A (singing to the ‘Spiderman’ theme) Delusional, delusional, I am so delusional, Delusional, every size, catches thieves, delusional-
B (interrupting, a bit upset) Don’t sing that.
A What?
B Don’t sing that you’re delusional.
A No?
B No.
A Sorry, you’ll have to excuse me, I’m delusional.
B (angry sigh, through gritted teeth) I know you are.
A Really? Well, I’m very sorry, but I suffer from-
B (hits breaking point) You’re not delusional!
A (surprised) What?
B You aren’t delusional!
A No?
B No, you’re just easily convinced!
A Really?
B Yes!
A Oh. I guess you’re right. (pause) Well, I guess I’ll go strangle the children.
B You can’t.
A No?
B No. We don’t have any children. We’re not married, we’re not in a relationship, and we’re not gay.
A Oh. I guess I won’t strangle the children then.
B (rolling eyes) I guess not.
A Do we have any pets?
B A dog in the next room. (short pause) Go strangle the dog.
A (leaving) Right.
A exits. Pause.
B (calling to A offstage) And stop at the market on your way there and pick up some disinfectant. Something smells in here.
END
|
look out for the little green bag | |||