The Abandoned Station

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Jerry and the Tree OR The Taking Tree

Jerry approaches the tree happily, carrying a watering can. There is person hiding behind it quite obviously (he is ‘Tree’). Jerry doesn’t notice.

Jerry (brightly)

Hi, tree!

Tree

Hello, Jerry.

Jerry

Look what I brought!

Tree

Hey, a watering can.

Jerry

Guess what it’s full of!

Tree

Water?

Jerry

Yeah! You’re the smartest talking tree I know! (shaking the can) Want any?

Tree

No, no. I’m fine

Jerry (concerned)

Tree, what’s wrong? You sound disappointed.

Tree

Oh…um…uh… my roots itch…

Jerry

Oh no… can I do anything to help?

Tree

Well, I could really use a twenty

Jerry (doubtful, but taking out his wallet)

Again?

Tree

It’s not cheap, being a nice tree and all.

Jerry (taking out a twenty dollar bill)

Well, I guess. (short pause) Should I massage it into your roots?

Tree

No, no. Just place it on the ground.

Jerry (placing it on the ground in front of the tree)

Are you sure? Someone may steal it.

Tree

Oh, don’t be silly, Jerry. Who would be so heartless as to steal from a tree?

Jerry (smiling brightly)

Yeah, you’re right. (excited) Hey! Can I climb you?!

Tree

Well-

Jerry

Great! Thanks!

Jerry scrambles up the Tree.

Tree

Hey, watch it!

Jerry (happily)

Sorry!

Pause. Jerry still climbs.

Tree

Ouch, you asshole!

Jerry

Sorry, my foot slipped.

Tree

If I had a face you’d have kicked me there.

Pause.

Tree

Say Jerry, do you like looking at the sun?

Jerry

Do I!

Tree

Why don’t you see how long can look at the sun before it stings?

Jerry

Okay!

Jerry looks up. The person hiding behind the tree makes his way around and takes the twenty, putting it in his pocket. He goes back to where he was. Pause.

Jerry (bringing his head back down)

Ow! (short pause, squinting) How long was that?

Tree

Not bad, Jerry.

Pause.

Jerry

Hey tree, do you know what time it is?

Tree

I’m a tree, Jerry. I have no notion of space and time.

Jerry

Oh.

Pause.

Jerry

I’ve been reading up on trees, tree. Where do you keep your chlorophyll?

Tree

Oh… wherever I can fit it.

Pause.

Jerry

I’m going to come down now, okay tree?

Tree

Good idea, you’re getting kind of heavy.

Jerry climbs down. At one point he is dangling precariously, and the person helps him down.

Tree

Here, I gotcha.

Jerry

Thanks, tree.

Jerry goes to his usual side, still oblivious to the fact that there is a person on the other side of the tree.

Jerry

Well, tree I have to go now.

Tree (guiltily)

That’s fine, Jerry, I guess I’ll see…you…(sighs loudly) I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore.

Jerry (concerned)

What is it, tree?

Tree

Jerry, I have a confession to make.

Jerry (anxious)

What is it?

Tree

I’m not a tree. I’m a guy standing behind a tree, talking to you as if I was this maple here.

Jerry (disbelief)

No…no… don’t be ridiculous…

Ron comes from around the tree.

Ron

Sorry, Jerry. I’m Ron. This is just a regular tree. Can’t talk or anything.

Pause

Jerry

But…all those times…

Ron

Yeah… all those times…(pause, Ron takes out the money)…well, here’s your twenty.

Jerry (taking it, confused)

Uh…thanks.

Pause. Ron leaves. Pause. Jerry looks around, kind of embarrassed. He pockets the twenty. Jerry leaves.

END